Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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