My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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