Banned from zoo.
Again?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
