the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
