My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
