you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
