im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
