we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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