If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
This baby is an asshole
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
