I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i love accidental penises.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
