If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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