last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
