i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
