A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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