I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
