I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i dont even know how to be here
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
