Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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