how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
