I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
