My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize