found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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