There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
