my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
