WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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