whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
