I CAN MOONWALK!
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize