I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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