I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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