so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Randomize
