i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
