Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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