I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
