i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
