I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
