and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
