did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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