remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i think i have herpe
just one?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize