I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
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