Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
