Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
