Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize