Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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