I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
