Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
