ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize