I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You pole danced in your parka.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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