Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
