my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
