You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
