I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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