I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
