Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
