how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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