He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
