I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
