Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize