i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
