a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize