I haven't been this sober since birth.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
