apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
