Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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