I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
