Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
