i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
