if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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