She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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