Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
