Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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