Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
