It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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