his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
