You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
