Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
ttyl tear gas
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize