Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
