I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize