On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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