my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
