you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
