o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
