dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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