which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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