I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
