I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
