This is not my ceiling
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She told me I should be a condom model.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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