so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
