Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
