also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
