im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I wish you could order shots online.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
