smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
