I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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