dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
